Feb 1, 2011

New School

Melt Down

It's so hot. I hope you're all bearing the heat well, Mum finally caved and turned on the air-con, so I'm good now. But I wouldn't have survived school without my fan. In teh new school it seems lots of girls bring those Chinese/Japanese fans to school.

The classes were mostly good. I love my teachers for English and Economics (very humourous, and makes the lesson fun). The Maths teacher is alright, but everyone calls her Miss Mas (get it, Miss Mas? Miss Maths? Okay, it was lame. I made that joke with the person sitting next to me). The Chemistry teacher was good, but she's leaving in a week. The Physics teacher has gotten another job and it'll take at least 6 weeks to get another one. Our substitude also knows Physics, but I don't really get the way he teaches.

I love English, I love Economics, Maths I don't have a problem with. But Chemistry and Physics are making me feel like I'm up in the air. It's the same feeling I get when I'm walking around by myself at lunch and recess, a bit lost and insecure. It's like I don't have soild ground beneath me. Chemistry is better than Physics, but I find that I don't remember some of the things I've learnt before, and some things they have done, I haven't.

When I'm in English or Economics, I feel good, I enjoy it like I do when I had classes at Hurlstone. But in Chemistry and Physics, I feel bewildered and a little afraid. I don't know if it's such a good idea anymore to change schools in year 11 when it's so important.

If I were in Hurlstone I wouldn't have to worry about anything other than my classes. I would be mroe familiar with the teacher's teaching style, I would be used to it. Even if I didn't get it, I would be secure and familiar enough to ask questions, stay back in class, make jokes. I could talk with friends, ask them questions, I could relax at recess and lunch. I don't talk with anyone in class right now. I'm just not used to that. I feel like I'm walking on clouds and they're not solid under my feet and they might just crumble at any time. I only feel like I'm on solid ground and when I can relax is when I'm in English or Economics. Right now, the only thing I'm look forward to when going to school is those two lessons.

Anyway, enough of that, it's only the second day. It'll probably get better. I'm thinking of not doing Chemistry of Physics. Like I said before, I prefer the humanities to the sciences. I'll sit through a few more lessons to see if I really don't like it.

I'm sorry about this, I don't like that I'm thinking and feeling like this. I knew that I don't like unplanned change, but I thought I could handle it, it would be really really bad if I got so stressed I can't study well anymore, in such an important year too! I started out cheerful and writing so much about the things I found interesting in the new school which I'll post tomorrow, but the mood deteriorated and it became this.

I just feel a little out of place and like I don't belong, so I really miss Hurlstone and my friends. I feel better now that I've written it all out. I haven't said any of this to my Mum, but it'll get better, it'll get better. Hopefully I'll say a couple of days later that "I was over-reacting in that post a few days before, everything's good now", haha.


  1. Hey Xiao,
    I hope all will go well at Sydney girls, seeing that you have already found subjects to love. I'm cheering you on in spirit.

    For me, I'm not so sure about my choices. English = shoot myself and physics = super confused. But I love engineering to bits though I'm lonered with the popular-and-not-friendly kids.

    Oh, and I will ask my friend to look out for you. She's a bit loud and crazy like Cheryl Anne, except in love with books, but maybe she can introduce you to people of more similar personalities?

  2. XIAO!!!


    It reminds me of when i first came into Hurlstone, i didn't know anyone and felt pretty lonered until i met the group, LOL. This sort of feeling probably won't fade until a month or two into the year, and you'll feel better then. Just hang in there for now, be your usual friendly self, and be XIAO :)

    Regarding the sciences you picked, just study extra hard if you're determined to do well at school. I was pretty worried about maths, since i dont go tutor no more, until i brought textbooks, and now i'm studying my ass off to increase my confidence.

    For my eco class, i have Mr Carter (remember him?) and he's so scary! I only do ok in the courses so far because i've read about economics chapter one in a eco textbook and gained background knowledge. LOL.

    By the way, this is partially the reason why i like to blog. I can put all my negative feelings into words, as if telling someone about my problems, almost like counselling. And usually, i type it up, and save it as a draft. Two days later, i look back at the draft and go - oh gee, why did i type that up? It was so stupid of me to think about publishing it. HAHA.

  3. Thank you thank you. I miss you so so much. *hugs you real hard*

    Mr Carter is weird sometimes. He has some signature phrases, lets see if I can rememeber...

    Okay, roughly: You look at me, I look at you, and there's a connection. (when people stare at him when he asks a question)

    You're doing well, forgot what goes after. (When the person goes ummmm and taking a long time to answer a question)

    I've forgotten most of it, but you'll be hearing some sentences many many times. He practically has stock phrases for certain situations.

    I like blogging because of it helping me sort out my feelings too. I didn't know I felt this strongly about this until I wrote it. But I wrote this and I felt better. I'm the same as you. I do somtimes write stuff, leave it for a few days and think, you know what, that really wasn't such a big deal anyway, and didn't post it.

    I'll be gradually putting up posts about interesting things at Sydney Girls. I've compiled about three thousand words over the week, so I'm splitting it up into smaller posts that people won't be too intimidated to read.

    Hugs again. Thank you for understanding, and thank you for your comforting and encouragement. You made me feel loads better. *about to leave, stops, looks back, and HUGS YOU AGAIN! I miss you...*

  4. Oh, i heard about the connection one. LOL.

    And yeah, blogging makes me face the feelings i feel and ultimately, it makes me feel better about things after i've blurbed it out.

    That's wonderful, i'm looking forward to you blogging about your new school. Unlike you, i'm going to have to stuff everything i experienced in the week in one post, since i'm busy. Unless its not related. I couldn't be bothered to find images for each post. LOL.


    (That was rhetorical.)