I can't believe I said that

Noise From the Silence 5 by Shel-yang

It was the last period of the day and there's less than 5 minutes left, and my Economics teacher was dictating to us. But he being silly (like he sometimes is, but funny too), and saying it one word at a time. That was probably to make fun of the fact that some girls always tell him to slow down. Then a girl said, wait, what was that again. And he went even slower, by that I mean he's stretching the word out.

Then I said: "Oh stop doing that." in what sounded like a really annoyed tone. It sounded like the tone you would take with an annoying whiny kid. I wasn't, seriously, I was startled when I realised I said it because I really didn't mean to say it, it just slipped out. It directly bypassed my brains and fell out of my mouth. There was silence was a few seconds, and then everyone laughed. I laughed.

I didn't think I could actually say something like that, in that 'speaking to an annoying kid' way to a teacher. Or to anyone that's not a really good friend of mine. He sounded so much like a child that it was like I'm on automatic, my mouth moved and my brain caught up a second later. I froze for a moment after I realised I said it and thought "Oh wow, did I really say that?" This is the first time that my mouth's ran away from me without me actually thinking about what I'm about to say. I've heard about people not thinking about what they're saying, or saying something thoughtlessly, but I thought it might mean they didn't think it would matter but thought better of it after they said it, I didn't realise it actually was the case that it slipps out without your mind's conscious permission.

It wasn't like I was really annoyed and I said that, I didn't desperately want him to stop doing that. It was just that sometimes he acts and speaks in a way that he feels like our friend and I would feel comfortable enough to joke with a friend by saying "Oh stop doing that" like that.

I heard a girls say "Ouuu, attitude." jokingly, and I think I really sounded like I had an attitude problem then. The teacher was acting really hurt with quavering lips and everything, and he said "sorry, I was being silly." So of course I said oh no no I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I was mortified, I can't even remember if I said I didn't mean it or not, and I really wasn't angry at him for doing that, only slightly annoyed at most. It really was only joking...ahhhhhhh...he must think I'm a really stuck up, can't take a joke type of person now. It'll be awkward if I explain it to him too. And he apologised again after class and said that he did it because he knew there was only 5 minute left, he's so nice and I can't believe I did that.

I hope I'm not going back to school the day after tomorrow to find everyone laughing at me about it. Tomorrow is Sydney Girls' swimming carnival, and I'm meeting with a friend at Town Hall to get her to lead the way. I heard that we can get buses at Central, but I'll trust my friend. She hasn't texted me the time to meet yet, but fingers crossed I can find her tomorrow without trouble. I'll see if I can take my new camera tomorrow, and that will be the first time I'm officially taking pictures with it.