Jan 17, 2011

Conversation with a friend

Bittersweet by JL89
 I was talking with a friend yesterday, and we came to the topic of talking with other people. I said that often when I chat with people, I would think of something to say, but I would stop and think about whether or not I should say them. Some of the times I would come to the conclusion that I probably shouldn't say them, but I'm not a person that says a lot anyway, so I seem like I'm not participating in the conversation at all. But sometimes when I've worked out I could say them so I don't say anything. Even when I do say them, I give the impression that I'm just a beat slower than everyone else.

She said that she always liked literature and history and liked to talk about it with her friends in school. Her friends, however, thought those topics are too heavy. They preferred talking about the most recent movie, or gossip on the stars. She thought that what the stars are doing don't concern her at all, and so do I. Because of that she doesn't group with her friends as well, and I think I'm the same way. I'm not a person that knows how to communicate with people that well. Mostly I would sit and read while my friends are doing what they're doing around me. In high school I'm a bit better, I would sometimes talk and participate, but in primary school, I would literally sit and read while the others talked (not that it's all that different now). I'm sorry guys, I don't know why you put up with me.

I'm an only child and I like to read. I'm comfortable reading by myself because I'm used to it. I would sometimes use reading as a shield, I'm scared of talking to people sometimes. I worry about not knowing what to say, saying the wrong thing and the people not liking me. When I'm reading there's no such concerns, I know that I'm safe. It's definitely a problem I have to overcome. The strange thing is, I'm the opposite of the person who's accompanying me. If they are confidant and strong, I would doubt a lot and think too much. If they are indecisive and shy, I would be the one to just go and do it. It that strange?

My friend told me that when she was in high school, she would say what she thought. But now that she's working, she would always filter her words. When we're a baby, our world consists of only ourself, we are the only one that matters. Then as we're growing up, our world expands from just consisting of just ourselves, to our family, then to friends, school, and eventually our workplace. We have to interact with more and more people, as one by one they become important to us, whether because we like them or because they can sack us. We lose that fearlessness, or foolishness, that delusion of not being afraid of anything because we didn't know anything could hurt us. We touched naked fire, because we didn't knwo it could burn us. It's hurt us once, and we remember to be afraid. My friend said that she's not as pure as before, in the sense that she sometimes doesn't say what she thinks. And I suppose that's growing up.

Onto something entirely random, she thought I was 10 or 11 years old. Do I look that young? She's known me for at least half a year now. I've had people, especially people older than me think I'm in primary school, year 8, that I'm 8, 10, 12, 14 years old, and one time, 8. It's a reoccurring mistake, I don't get it. Is it my behaviour of my appearance? Even if Asian children have a tendency to look younger than we are, it's happened so many times to me. Has it ever happened to any of you guys?


  1. I've been seen as younger but only by a year or two. It only happened recently when I've been growing a bit fat from too much junk food haha ><" I hope I'll return to my former self once I go cross country running and swimming again... when my massive sunburn wears off :p

    For you, Xiao, it's probably the voice and chubby cheeks and fingers. I don't know.

    And oh yeah, I filter my speech too. I started doing that in late 2008 I think. My loud mouth can be quite the terror :S

    Wonderfully though, I show no interest in most celebrities either. I also don't talk movies unless they were well made and I can talk about the production side of them and so forth :) Lately, talking about art, proverbs and music have appealed to me very much but so has shopping which isn't exactly a great thing.

  2. Voice and chubby cheeks and fingers...hm...I guess so. But most people are interested in movies and celebraties, so we generally talk about that. There's a higher chance that they'll know about it and be more interested in that than in something more obscure, like Ancient Egypt or the customs of Japanese people.

    I just don't watch movies, I haven't watched Avatar or 2012 or Inception. Shows how not up to speed I am in the movie scene.

  3. I originally had a long comment, but i didn't log in, and when i did, i lost all the stuff i wrote up in the comment. So therefore i cant be bothered to type it all up. Heck, i forgot what i wrote.

    People always think i'm younger than i really am too! I like movies too, but i dont gossip or talk about Celebs or stars or anything in that area either.

  4. I always copy all that I've written before I post or submit anything on the internet, always. I've lost comments/reviews when either something happened. I've learnt my lesson.

    I wish I could have seen the long comment though.